To See His Face and Hear His Voice

Don't you sometimes wonder what it would be like to personally walk with Jesus when He was here?  To have been His friend?  To have a physical relationship with Him?  Enjoy His personality, sense of humor, the sound of His voice, the expressions of His face?  I've discovered we can learn to feel closer to Him by paying attention to those who did know Him.

I have been thinking about the apostle Peter, and his relationship with the Lord Jesus.  A story I have grown to LOVE, which illustrates his great love for the Lord, is found at the end of the Gospel of John.  The Resurrected Lord was walking along the shores of the sea as some of His disciples were in a boat, fishing with nets.

4 But when the morning was now come, Jesus ^astood on the shore: but the disciples knew not that it was Jesus.

 5 Then Jesus saith unto them, Children, have ye any meat? They answered him, No.

 6 And he said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes.

 7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord.  Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher’s coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.

See:  (John 21:4-7)  --King James Version

Peter jumped in the water and swam to greet His Master!  His beloved friend.  What great love.  Just a few days previous, he had denied the Lord three times as Jesus had predicted, then once he realizing this he went out and wept bitter tears of sorrow and shame.  Never again would he deny knowing Jesus.  He was SO excited to know Jesus was the man on the shores, he jumped out of the boat and swam to see Him, to be near Him, possibly to see that familiar smile which He dearly missed, His departed Savior and friend, while the rest sailed back to shore comfortably dry in the boat.  Peter just couldn't wait.  How wonderful!

As I pondered upon this, and many other interactions with those whom were physically close to the Lord, (Mary, Martha, Thomas, his mother, etc) I have felt a deeper love, and greater feeling of knowing Him.  And I admit, I have felt that love returned.

I know He loves and knows each individual even today, right now, in their bedrooms, in their cars, in dark alleys, in office cubicles, He loves us.  Just as He loved His closest friends.

Who Am I Anyway? Where Did I Come From?

So.  Do you ever look in the mirror and think... "How is it that out of millions and billions and trillions of human beings that have walked on this planet, how did I come to live in THIS body at THIS time of life, in THIS family, in THIS state and city, with THIS face, THIS voice, THESE talents, and THESE weaknesses?"  That's a huge question.  Seriously, I could have been someone else.  I could have been looking through the eyes of another body at another time.  What is the answer?  Is there one?

Yes.  There is.

 Take me, for example.  I am a literal "offspring" of God the Eternal Father.  I was born as a spirit being before I came to this earth.  I lived before I came here.  I had abilities, a personality, hopes and wishes and desires.  I learned and was taught a great deal about God's plan for ME.  I chose to follow Him, and He sent me here to gain a body, to be tried, tested, to learn and grow, to gain experience and knowledge for myself, to feel pain and sorrow so I could know true pleasure and joy.  I don't know why I have THIS family.  I don't know why I live in the state and city I live in.  Except that I know God's plan is greater than I could imagine, and He has a purpose in all things.  Because I trust Him, and I know He loves me and will only do what is best for me in order to learn and grow the best, choicest way possible, I don't have to worry or wonder about that really.  God has a way of tailoring our lives fit perfectly for US and only us.

What about the indescribable, unmentionable, unthinkable horrid deeds that happen to some of His children?

God cannot control us.  He promised this would be a chance for us to learn and grow and make our own choices.  If He controls our choices, God ceases to be God, for His promise to allow us the right to choose becomes diminished.  Therefore, some of His children will choose horrid behaviors, inflicting awful crimes and wounds and pains upon many innocent, good people, including precious children.  For these, God promises comfort, peace, love, and healing through the true healing power of His Son Jesus Christ who suffered our pains already.  For some, the greatest source of comfort will be to return home to His presence, to leave this world of pain and affliction earlier.  For others, they may remain in their wounds to walk in this life for many more years to come, but God promises to consecrate their weaknesses and wounds and hurts become strengths unto them, as long as they choose to walk His way.  God will take care of those who inflicted such pains on His own time, in His own way.  They of course have the chance to repent and be forgiven, but that is a choice they must make for themselves.

So.  Who are you?  You are a child of God.  Where did you come from?  You came from His holy presence, from His loving arms, when He told you He loved you, and would see you again as long as you did YOUR very best.

Remember, we all have a different kind of "best."  He only cares that you do YOURS.  :)

Of this I testify, in the holy name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

Power of Love

Does anyone else have a really hard time being able to CRY?


There are many of us in our mortal human bodies and minds who have lost the ability to feel our emotions.  Crying is an act we have long for, and prayed and prayed for years for the ability.  We feel stuck in our numb robotic state.  Apparently it's a human defense mechanism.  We can learn to cry again.  But til then.....   A favorite comfort scripture of mine is in the Book of Mormon.  3 Nephi 17.  How grateful I am for this chapter.  It means the world.


Jesus as a resurrected Being has been visiting the people of the America's right after He was crucified, and is preparing to leave them, but they long for him to "tarry a little longer."  He feels and knows of their longing, and decides then to take some precious, precious quality time with them.  He stays.  He blesses them.  He calls for the sick, afflicted, blind, maimed, leprous, and those afflicted in ANY manner, and he heals them.  He prays mightily for them, words so great that tongue cannot speak or express the marvelous words He spoke.  After he prayed, He bid them to arise from their knees.......

20  And they arose from the earth, and he said unto them: Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, my joy is full.

 21 And when he had said these words, he wept and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.

 22 And when he had done this he wept again;

Jesus also wept with Mary and Martha when their brother Lazarus died.

It takes special circumstances for me to feel very deeply, or enough to find my tears that I know are buried deep inside.  But Jesus seems to be able to pick up all the slack in everything I can't do.  He even has the ability to cry when I can't.  To love me despite my lame and awkward broken states.  To bless me when I don't deserve it.  To provide me with Christ-like friends who can provide me with that precious time, to hold me, and to cry for me when I can't.  And I know He has the power to heal me.  

There is one essence that I'm finding uniquely powerful.  As if it is magic.  As if I have unfolded a mystery like unto those of epic fantasy tales.  Like unto LOTR, or Harry Potter.  LOVE.  The more I let myself be loved, the more I feel.  The more I treat myself well, and love myself, the more I feel.  The more I trust others and let myself love them, the more I feel.  The more I study about the love God has for me personally, not just everyone else, the more I feel.  

One dose of love after another, the more I'm starting to find my emotions.  Bit by bit.  I still have a long ways to go.  But I know it's possible.  The Lord is healing me with His power, and His tears, His infinite endless love.

"GOD'S LOVE IS PERFECT"

He Has All Wisdom

Psalms 139:23

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:

Mosiah 4:9

9 Believe in ^aGod; believe that he is, and that he ^bcreated all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all^cwisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not ^dcomprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend.

Alma 37:36

36 Yea, and ^acry unto God for all thy support; yea, let all thy^bdoings be unto the Lord, and whithersoever thou goest let it be in the Lord; yea, let all thy ^cthoughts be directed unto the Lord; yea, let the affections of thy heart be placed upon the Lord forever.

Do you ever feel like you just don't really get yourself?  What am I upset about?  Why am I acting this way?  Why can't I be normal?  Why can't I just... ugh.  I feel so different from everyone.

It takes me a while sometimes, but eventually I remember to step back and remember this:  I am who my Father in Heaven wants me to be.  He doesn't not wish me to be someone ELSE.  He CREATED me.  He is the one shaping and molding me and has been all this time.  He's not done yet, and has my entire mortal life to keep at it.  I may not like it,... but he desires those weakness in my life right now.  Without them, how else can I learn to overcome?  How else will I learn to be like His Son?  How else will I learn long suffering or patience, or how to trust Him, or to have faith in Christ and His mercy and power?

Comfort comes to me in knowing that when I don't get ME, God does.  He knows everything.    What I've been through, what I'm going through, why I am the way I am, and what I need to become more like Him.  And He still loves me despite what He knows.  He still blesses me!  So knowing that.... Ahhh.  Big sigh of relief!  I can let go, and let God.  I can go about my business again, the best I know how, and allow the Lord to fill in the gaps, trusting He'll lead me to places and situations that will help me reach my potential in the end.  Even if takes me whole life to get there!

This Life Is The Test

Psalms 26:2 2 Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. I use to work at a group home for special needs adults.  Two years I was there, I stayed long enough to  be the oldest staff member out of all the others including the manager.  I loved my ladies.  My home  housed the most individuals compared to the 20 other homes in the area.  One was blind, one had  skitzophrenia, one had the mind of a 3 year old, and they all had extreme disabling cases of depression  and bipolar conditions.  They were the sweetest people in my life who probably showed me the most  unconditional love compared to anyone else in those two years.  At night when I tucked them in bed  sometimes they liked giving me hugs and kisses, and always said, "I love you!" Some days were hard.  Their bodies hurt them.  They couldn't take care of themselves.  They rarely felt good mentally and physically.  They couldn't understand or comprehend simple meanings easily.   They grew frustrated when trying to communicate.  I sometimes couldn't help looking at them and  think, "Heavenly Father... why?" I had the privilege of taking the ladies to weekly Thursday night Special Needs Activities held by the  LDS church.  One week I witnessed a special treat as they practiced their favorite song together.  Two  gentlemen, one of them blind and both mentally challenged, stood to sing all the verses from memory  and the rest of all the special needs adults joined in for the chorus throughout the song.  I had tears  after the first verse.   I felt like I could take on any trial or test the Lord seemed fit for me, and felt my heart swell with desire and faith in Christ. I want to share these touching and humbling lyrics with you. The Test Tell me friend, why are you blind? Why doesn’t he who works the miracles send light into your eyes?  Tell me friend, if you understand, why doesn’t He with power to raise the dead just make you whole again?  It would be so easy for Him.  I watch you and  in sorrow and question why. And you my friend in perfect faith reply. Didn’t He say, He sent us to be tested? Didn’t He say, the way would not be sure? But didn’t he say we could live with him forever more, well and whole, if we but patiently endure. After the trial, we will be blessed, but this life is the test. Tell me friend, I see your pain. Why when you pray in faith for healing, does the crippling thorn remain? Help me see, if you understand, why doesn’t he who healed the lame man come with healing in his wings. It would be so easy for Him.  I watch you and in sorrow question why? And you my friend, in perfect faith reply. Didn’t He say, He sent us to be tested? Didn’t He say, the way would not be sure? But didn’t he say we could live with him forever more, well and whole, if we but patiently endure. After the trial, we will be blessed, but this life is the test. Tell me now, why must you die? Why must your loved ones stand with empty arms, and ask the question why? Help me know, so I can go on. How when your love and faith sustained me, can the precious gift be gone? From the depths of sorrow I cry, though pains of grief within my soul arrive. The whisperings of the Spirit still my cry. Didn’t He say, He sent us to be tested? Didn’t He say, the way would not be sure? But didn’t he say we could live with him forever more, well and whole, if we but patiently endure. After the trial, we will be blessed, but this life is the test. By: Janice Kapp Perry

Who in "the world" Am I?

Ya know what is hard?  To remember among all the 'STUFF' in our day.... who we really are.  I mean REALLY are.  Know what I mean?  Jelly bean?

Seriously though.  I gotta fill the tank, I need to finish my homework, I have laundry coming up, my friend needs help with this, my family is this and that, I want to look cute today, I wonder if anyone will notice my earrings, I wonder why I reacted that way when "normal" people react this way, she's way smarter than me, I forgot to call the office again, hey that guy is cute I should talk to him, I wonder if I should have more friends and talk to more people, class is in ten minutes don't be late, I need to make sure I'm not going over my budget on these purchases, what is my budget anyway, and........ and then.......... oh yeah.  Hey Heavenly Father, remember me?  Yeah sorry I've been kinda busy.  Thanks for this, please bless that... k well I gotta run, see ya later, bye!

Prayer... I struggle with it sometimes.  Going through the motions?  Or just feeling repetitious.  Anyway, today I felt like I finally connected, really connected, with the One who knows me best.


Driving driving driving... ah.  Here we go.  Something familiar.  Something that reminds me of home.  Green fresh blue wide open spaces.  Beautiful clouds.  Touch of rain, a few sun rays, a cow here and there to add just the right touch... yes.  A drive was a perfect idea.  Found out my friend might die today.  Pretty close and tender friend of mine.  Heart failure.  Not him, why him, I kept asking.  He's been so faithful.  His family needs him.  Father, will everything be okay?  Father... is it okay to talk to you when I've been so distant?


And then the Father responds to His child.  I've got Him in my hands.  It'll be okay.


Drove a while longer.  Came upon a town with a cute little graveyard surrounded by a white picket fence.  Oh yes, that's right.  I remember.  There is a much bigger picture.  A waaaay bigger picture.  Death is not the end, not even close.  There's much more to this story than meets the eye.  

The Lord continues to teach His child.  Because He loves her.  Heavenly Father then reminded me what else has more to the story that I knew but wasn't applying to ME.  Not truly.  There is much more to who I am than meets the eye.  I ...am a Daughter of God.  With individual worth.  Divine Nature.  Faith.  Integrity.  Knowledge.  I was given talents and abilities, and a specific important plan is laid out IN PLACE right now for my life.  There is a specific, sacred work for me to do.  How could I have forgotten.


Humbled, and at peace, I want to tell my Father in Heaven I remember, and am ready to go and do.  As Mary the Mother of Jesus told the angel after learning she would be the earthly mother of the Son of God, I also hope to say each day, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word."  I know who I am and why I'm here.  What would you have me to do today?