This Life Is The Test

Psalms 26:2 2 Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart. I use to work at a group home for special needs adults.  Two years I was there, I stayed long enough to  be the oldest staff member out of all the others including the manager.  I loved my ladies.  My home  housed the most individuals compared to the 20 other homes in the area.  One was blind, one had  skitzophrenia, one had the mind of a 3 year old, and they all had extreme disabling cases of depression  and bipolar conditions.  They were the sweetest people in my life who probably showed me the most  unconditional love compared to anyone else in those two years.  At night when I tucked them in bed  sometimes they liked giving me hugs and kisses, and always said, "I love you!" Some days were hard.  Their bodies hurt them.  They couldn't take care of themselves.  They rarely felt good mentally and physically.  They couldn't understand or comprehend simple meanings easily.   They grew frustrated when trying to communicate.  I sometimes couldn't help looking at them and  think, "Heavenly Father... why?" I had the privilege of taking the ladies to weekly Thursday night Special Needs Activities held by the  LDS church.  One week I witnessed a special treat as they practiced their favorite song together.  Two  gentlemen, one of them blind and both mentally challenged, stood to sing all the verses from memory  and the rest of all the special needs adults joined in for the chorus throughout the song.  I had tears  after the first verse.   I felt like I could take on any trial or test the Lord seemed fit for me, and felt my heart swell with desire and faith in Christ. I want to share these touching and humbling lyrics with you. The Test Tell me friend, why are you blind? Why doesn’t he who works the miracles send light into your eyes?  Tell me friend, if you understand, why doesn’t He with power to raise the dead just make you whole again?  It would be so easy for Him.  I watch you and  in sorrow and question why. And you my friend in perfect faith reply. Didn’t He say, He sent us to be tested? Didn’t He say, the way would not be sure? But didn’t he say we could live with him forever more, well and whole, if we but patiently endure. After the trial, we will be blessed, but this life is the test. Tell me friend, I see your pain. Why when you pray in faith for healing, does the crippling thorn remain? Help me see, if you understand, why doesn’t he who healed the lame man come with healing in his wings. It would be so easy for Him.  I watch you and in sorrow question why? And you my friend, in perfect faith reply. Didn’t He say, He sent us to be tested? Didn’t He say, the way would not be sure? But didn’t he say we could live with him forever more, well and whole, if we but patiently endure. After the trial, we will be blessed, but this life is the test. Tell me now, why must you die? Why must your loved ones stand with empty arms, and ask the question why? Help me know, so I can go on. How when your love and faith sustained me, can the precious gift be gone? From the depths of sorrow I cry, though pains of grief within my soul arrive. The whisperings of the Spirit still my cry. Didn’t He say, He sent us to be tested? Didn’t He say, the way would not be sure? But didn’t he say we could live with him forever more, well and whole, if we but patiently endure. After the trial, we will be blessed, but this life is the test. By: Janice Kapp Perry

Who in "the world" Am I?

Ya know what is hard?  To remember among all the 'STUFF' in our day.... who we really are.  I mean REALLY are.  Know what I mean?  Jelly bean?

Seriously though.  I gotta fill the tank, I need to finish my homework, I have laundry coming up, my friend needs help with this, my family is this and that, I want to look cute today, I wonder if anyone will notice my earrings, I wonder why I reacted that way when "normal" people react this way, she's way smarter than me, I forgot to call the office again, hey that guy is cute I should talk to him, I wonder if I should have more friends and talk to more people, class is in ten minutes don't be late, I need to make sure I'm not going over my budget on these purchases, what is my budget anyway, and........ and then.......... oh yeah.  Hey Heavenly Father, remember me?  Yeah sorry I've been kinda busy.  Thanks for this, please bless that... k well I gotta run, see ya later, bye!

Prayer... I struggle with it sometimes.  Going through the motions?  Or just feeling repetitious.  Anyway, today I felt like I finally connected, really connected, with the One who knows me best.


Driving driving driving... ah.  Here we go.  Something familiar.  Something that reminds me of home.  Green fresh blue wide open spaces.  Beautiful clouds.  Touch of rain, a few sun rays, a cow here and there to add just the right touch... yes.  A drive was a perfect idea.  Found out my friend might die today.  Pretty close and tender friend of mine.  Heart failure.  Not him, why him, I kept asking.  He's been so faithful.  His family needs him.  Father, will everything be okay?  Father... is it okay to talk to you when I've been so distant?


And then the Father responds to His child.  I've got Him in my hands.  It'll be okay.


Drove a while longer.  Came upon a town with a cute little graveyard surrounded by a white picket fence.  Oh yes, that's right.  I remember.  There is a much bigger picture.  A waaaay bigger picture.  Death is not the end, not even close.  There's much more to this story than meets the eye.  

The Lord continues to teach His child.  Because He loves her.  Heavenly Father then reminded me what else has more to the story that I knew but wasn't applying to ME.  Not truly.  There is much more to who I am than meets the eye.  I ...am a Daughter of God.  With individual worth.  Divine Nature.  Faith.  Integrity.  Knowledge.  I was given talents and abilities, and a specific important plan is laid out IN PLACE right now for my life.  There is a specific, sacred work for me to do.  How could I have forgotten.


Humbled, and at peace, I want to tell my Father in Heaven I remember, and am ready to go and do.  As Mary the Mother of Jesus told the angel after learning she would be the earthly mother of the Son of God, I also hope to say each day, "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word."  I know who I am and why I'm here.  What would you have me to do today?

God or Father?

Romans 8:16

"16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God."

My thoughts this past couple weeks:  Hmmm... Heavenly Father is obviously God.  Jesus Christ is of the God head and also referred to as God in the scriptures.  Am I discounting their power and diety and amazingness by not calling them God instead of something so generic as "Father?"  I don't know which is better.  Which is most important to me?  What should I say?  Why was I taught to say what I say?

Yesterday I was driving to school.  I like to pray out loud sometimes.  I'd been trying out calling my Father in Heaven "God" more often than usual.  It had been a couple weeks now.  In my car as I looked at the beautiful sunrise, I started praying, and as I said "God" I suddenly felt something different.  Something I didn't love.  Suddenly the special tender feeling that comes with knowing an eternal principle I learned as a tiny child--I am a CHILD of God--had escaped as I spoke to the one who created me.  I felt like I had generalized His identity.  That my relationship wasn't close and intimate.  Like... I didn't feel like He was my... Father.  God IS powerful.  God IS almighty, creator of Heaven and Earth.  God can move mountains.  And God... is also a loving, living, tender Father.  A Father who listens.  Who cares.  Who understands.  Who is happy when I am happy, and sad when I am sad.  Who knows how to teach me, guide me, and walk beside me.  And,  I am His child.  He created man in His image and therefore... I know He lives and has a body of flesh and bone.  He is a literal being.  There is much more to God than diety.

God Himself said, "This is my work and my glory: to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."  (Moses 1:39)  We are His priority!  We are the purpose of HIS work and being and existence.  That has Father written all over it.  :)

I don't have a staple answer to my question that must be right for everyone.  I really don't believe there is one.  But I know for me, whichever I decide to call Him, I feel so grateful and happy to have my own deep understanding of knowing the nature of God.  That God is in fact my loving, living Heavenly Father.