To See His Face and Hear His Voice

Don't you sometimes wonder what it would be like to personally walk with Jesus when He was here?  To have been His friend?  To have a physical relationship with Him?  Enjoy His personality, sense of humor, the sound of His voice, the expressions of His face?  I've discovered we can learn to feel closer to Him by paying attention to those who did know Him.

I have been thinking about the apostle Peter, and his relationship with the Lord Jesus.  A story I have grown to LOVE, which illustrates his great love for the Lord, is found at the end of the Gospel of John.  The Resurrected Lord was walking along the shores of the sea as some of His disciples were in a boat, fishing with nets.

4 But when the morning was now come, Jesus ^astood on the shore: but the disciples knew not that it was Jesus.

 5 Then Jesus saith unto them, Children, have ye any meat? They answered him, No.

 6 And he said unto them, Cast the net on the right side of the ship, and ye shall find. They cast therefore, and now they were not able to draw it for the multitude of fishes.

 7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord.  Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher’s coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.

See:  (John 21:4-7)  --King James Version

Peter jumped in the water and swam to greet His Master!  His beloved friend.  What great love.  Just a few days previous, he had denied the Lord three times as Jesus had predicted, then once he realizing this he went out and wept bitter tears of sorrow and shame.  Never again would he deny knowing Jesus.  He was SO excited to know Jesus was the man on the shores, he jumped out of the boat and swam to see Him, to be near Him, possibly to see that familiar smile which He dearly missed, His departed Savior and friend, while the rest sailed back to shore comfortably dry in the boat.  Peter just couldn't wait.  How wonderful!

As I pondered upon this, and many other interactions with those whom were physically close to the Lord, (Mary, Martha, Thomas, his mother, etc) I have felt a deeper love, and greater feeling of knowing Him.  And I admit, I have felt that love returned.

I know He loves and knows each individual even today, right now, in their bedrooms, in their cars, in dark alleys, in office cubicles, He loves us.  Just as He loved His closest friends.

Who Am I Anyway? Where Did I Come From?

So.  Do you ever look in the mirror and think... "How is it that out of millions and billions and trillions of human beings that have walked on this planet, how did I come to live in THIS body at THIS time of life, in THIS family, in THIS state and city, with THIS face, THIS voice, THESE talents, and THESE weaknesses?"  That's a huge question.  Seriously, I could have been someone else.  I could have been looking through the eyes of another body at another time.  What is the answer?  Is there one?

Yes.  There is.

 Take me, for example.  I am a literal "offspring" of God the Eternal Father.  I was born as a spirit being before I came to this earth.  I lived before I came here.  I had abilities, a personality, hopes and wishes and desires.  I learned and was taught a great deal about God's plan for ME.  I chose to follow Him, and He sent me here to gain a body, to be tried, tested, to learn and grow, to gain experience and knowledge for myself, to feel pain and sorrow so I could know true pleasure and joy.  I don't know why I have THIS family.  I don't know why I live in the state and city I live in.  Except that I know God's plan is greater than I could imagine, and He has a purpose in all things.  Because I trust Him, and I know He loves me and will only do what is best for me in order to learn and grow the best, choicest way possible, I don't have to worry or wonder about that really.  God has a way of tailoring our lives fit perfectly for US and only us.

What about the indescribable, unmentionable, unthinkable horrid deeds that happen to some of His children?

God cannot control us.  He promised this would be a chance for us to learn and grow and make our own choices.  If He controls our choices, God ceases to be God, for His promise to allow us the right to choose becomes diminished.  Therefore, some of His children will choose horrid behaviors, inflicting awful crimes and wounds and pains upon many innocent, good people, including precious children.  For these, God promises comfort, peace, love, and healing through the true healing power of His Son Jesus Christ who suffered our pains already.  For some, the greatest source of comfort will be to return home to His presence, to leave this world of pain and affliction earlier.  For others, they may remain in their wounds to walk in this life for many more years to come, but God promises to consecrate their weaknesses and wounds and hurts become strengths unto them, as long as they choose to walk His way.  God will take care of those who inflicted such pains on His own time, in His own way.  They of course have the chance to repent and be forgiven, but that is a choice they must make for themselves.

So.  Who are you?  You are a child of God.  Where did you come from?  You came from His holy presence, from His loving arms, when He told you He loved you, and would see you again as long as you did YOUR very best.

Remember, we all have a different kind of "best."  He only cares that you do YOURS.  :)

Of this I testify, in the holy name of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Amen.

Power of Love

Does anyone else have a really hard time being able to CRY?


There are many of us in our mortal human bodies and minds who have lost the ability to feel our emotions.  Crying is an act we have long for, and prayed and prayed for years for the ability.  We feel stuck in our numb robotic state.  Apparently it's a human defense mechanism.  We can learn to cry again.  But til then.....   A favorite comfort scripture of mine is in the Book of Mormon.  3 Nephi 17.  How grateful I am for this chapter.  It means the world.


Jesus as a resurrected Being has been visiting the people of the America's right after He was crucified, and is preparing to leave them, but they long for him to "tarry a little longer."  He feels and knows of their longing, and decides then to take some precious, precious quality time with them.  He stays.  He blesses them.  He calls for the sick, afflicted, blind, maimed, leprous, and those afflicted in ANY manner, and he heals them.  He prays mightily for them, words so great that tongue cannot speak or express the marvelous words He spoke.  After he prayed, He bid them to arise from their knees.......

20  And they arose from the earth, and he said unto them: Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, my joy is full.

 21 And when he had said these words, he wept and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.

 22 And when he had done this he wept again;

Jesus also wept with Mary and Martha when their brother Lazarus died.

It takes special circumstances for me to feel very deeply, or enough to find my tears that I know are buried deep inside.  But Jesus seems to be able to pick up all the slack in everything I can't do.  He even has the ability to cry when I can't.  To love me despite my lame and awkward broken states.  To bless me when I don't deserve it.  To provide me with Christ-like friends who can provide me with that precious time, to hold me, and to cry for me when I can't.  And I know He has the power to heal me.  

There is one essence that I'm finding uniquely powerful.  As if it is magic.  As if I have unfolded a mystery like unto those of epic fantasy tales.  Like unto LOTR, or Harry Potter.  LOVE.  The more I let myself be loved, the more I feel.  The more I treat myself well, and love myself, the more I feel.  The more I trust others and let myself love them, the more I feel.  The more I study about the love God has for me personally, not just everyone else, the more I feel.  

One dose of love after another, the more I'm starting to find my emotions.  Bit by bit.  I still have a long ways to go.  But I know it's possible.  The Lord is healing me with His power, and His tears, His infinite endless love.

"GOD'S LOVE IS PERFECT"